Hero
Updated 2008-04-18 19:24:01
Well, that was a lovely little vacation. Sometimes, though, I would turn on the light while going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and there Smallville would be, just out of the corner of my eye, reflected in the mirror. Sometimes, I'd wake up from a nightmare and turn in my bed, and instead of my wife, it was SMALLVILLE ! And now, when I'm in the shower, I'm afraid to wash my hair. Because I might open my eyes and find Smallville standing there! It's like I always feel like somebody's watching me (watch Smallville ) . Luckily, Smallville is back, and I've returned to writing about it, so the show doesn't have to sneak around and try to scare me anymore.
We begin at nighttime in a hip warehouse district of Metropolis, where young people can't wait to go to a club called "Stride." That's funny...it's also the name of a chewing gum. That must be some kind of weird coincidence. Inside, there's an expensive lighting system, loud music, and a crowd. Jimmy Olsen is there with Kara. She doesn't seem to be impressed by the club or by being there with Jimmy. She asks if he's sure they used to go to places like this. Yes! Totally! And, according to Jimmy, you used to totally give him blowjobs in the bathroom. In fact, it's about that time, if you don't mind, ya little amnesiac. Meet you there? Kara looks around as the lights make her face go alternately red and blue. She says she's drawing a blank. Jimmy says it'll come back. Now, about those blowjobs... Jimmy offers to introduce Kara to his favorite "bevvy." How is she supposed to remember something that doesn't even resemble English in the first place? Jimmy leaves a hot amnesiac blonde alone in the middle of a nightclub to get drinks. Stupid, stupid Jimmy.
We cut to people standing around, not dancing. A familiar face pushes his way through the non-crowd. Hey, that's Pete Ross ! He's even wearing a hoodie, for old times' sake. Pete goes to the super-hip DJ (he's not quite as cool as DJ Jesus ) and asks if they have any more gum for the promoter. Heh, almost like the name of the club. What a weird coincidence. "Look around. We're in a gum factory, Einstein," the DJ says. Wait...what? Stride is the name of the club, and it's in a gum factory? Holy shit! I think this was intentional! Why, I've been bamboozled! I feel right manipulated! Damn you, corporate Americaaaaaa! "Right," Pete says and walks off. The Closed Captioning says Pete retorts with, "Bite me very much, jerk." I kind of like that.
Pete walks back to a giant room where, indeed, gum-mobilizing equipment is being utilized. Gum may seem benign, but it requires forklifts, boxes, and warehouse space to get it from the factory to your gaping maw. Pete looks around dubiously until he sees an open box atop a set of pallets of boxes of Stride gum. Pete makes a horrifying lips-pursed face. His salivary glands just activated something fierce.
We cut to the band in the club. It's One Republic, which would make your high school government teacher smile. Pete doesn't yell, "Yeah, One Republic!" but you know he's thinking that . The band plays something that sounds like every other emo rock crap you might hear on FM these days. Boy, am I old. Pete returns to watch the band from the back of the room. We see Kara doing the robot. Not the dance The Robot, just a weird, mechanical bobbing motion that could be called dancing, were it not so digital. The band is very lucky to have a young Colin Quinn as its lead singer. Pete is standing directly behind Kara. He busts open a green package of Stride gum. I have to tell you: in preparation for recapping this episode, I bought my first ever pack of Stride. I got the fruity orange pack and...it lasted about from the cash register to my parked car. The flavor was fleeting and a little weak, much like this episode. Maybe I should have gotten the minty flavor. It does come in a little fold-out case that is amusing for about 1.5 seconds.
Pete takes out a piece of gum and sticks it in his mouth. It's glowing bright green, and you know what that means. There's trouble afoot! In the mouth! And it's going to be a sticky situation. By which I mean it's a stick of gum and that gum itself is sticky. The observation works on myriad levels. Pete smiles as we hear a chime and his head seems to grow slightly. Strange. He, too, is dancing. Wow, that band is really pretending to be wailing. Jimmy returns, sans the "bevvys" he promised, and tries to take a camera-phone picture of Kara as she stands, digital dancing. No real camera, Jimmy? The song the band is playing is longer than the Patriot Act. Overhead, where some speakers are tied to some pipes, a cord breaks. The giant speakers are going to fall on Kara. Pete notices and reaches out his hands to help her. They reach out in a Stretch Armstrong move, elongating until they reach Kara. Pete pulls her back as the speakers fall. The band stops playing. "Hey, what happened?" the lead singer asks, clearly unconcerned unless it happened to a groupie he planned to bone later. Don't worry. You're on The CW. Nobody saw that. Jimmy, still gripping Kara by the arms, breathes heavily. Kara thanks him. She walks away with just that. Pete stares at his hands. Stretchy Man! Jimmy watches Pete from afar. He looks down to find that he captured a perfect picture of Pete's long arms rescuing Kara. He starts to smile. Because his girlfriend almost got squashed.
Opening credits. Commercials. Stride gum is advertising during this show, too. What serendipity!
Kent Farm. The cows are raving it up at the Stride gum factory. Clark, blue t-shirt attired, bounds down the stairs. He says that at least Kara didn't forget how to use up all the hot water. Oh, you! Clark stops in mid-step as he notices Papa Luthor sitting on a stool at the kitchen island. Oh, please, Clark, do go on about Kara and hot showers. Papa likey. Papa says that it seems Kara still hasn't recovered her memory. Kara who ? Lana, who doesn't like Papa Luthor sitting in this house drinking her shitty coffee, gives Clark a sharp look. Clark walks further into the kitchen, saying that the poor girl still thinks she's from Minnesota, and that the more she digs into her past, the more she'll realize it's a poorly constructed lie held together with weak twine and day-old Stride gum. Papa Luthor asks if taking her to the Fortress might speed up the process. Clark, pouring himself a giant orange juice, says the last time he went up there, Jarnelle held him prisoner . Clark doesn't look at Lana as he says this, but you know he's thinking, "And I can't afford that, because Lana might fuck some alien imposter while I'm gone . So, no. I'm staying right here, thanks."
Clark thinks it's time to tell the truth. "She won't believe you," Lana says. Well, not with that attitude! Yeah, it's not like Clark has some superpowers he could display that might convince her otherwise. Lana says they have to protect her. Papa Luthor agrees. He says she's been visiting Lex. Clark squints really hard. It hurts to have two people saying things at the same time that make you think. Why won't they stop? Lana says it makes sense. Lex found Kara and she trusts him. She doesn't even mind that he was faking being a stranger while she was a waitress. Clark remembers her Kryptonian bracelet. Papa, sneaky-sneaky, says he thought it had gone missing. Clark thinks there must be some way to find it. Papa, not very smooth, says, "Mmm" and pretends to look at his watch and be late for something. "Yes, there must be some way to find it! Because I don't have it! Why would you look at me and say that? You think I'm hiding it? Well you are soooo wrong! I'll be going now. Later, gators!" The camera really seems restless in this scene, spinning all over the place as Papa and Clark walk around. It's a kitchen scene, not ER , fellas. Papa tells Clark to keep an eye on Lex's latest "Endeavor." He goes to open the kitchen door and Pete is standing right there, about to knock. He's kinda bald, or at least very closely shaved of the head. But otherwise, he looks exactly the same. "Pete Ross!" Papa says. He says it's a surprise. "Oh my God, Pete!" Lana says. She goes to hug him. Pete ignores Papa. Papa leaves without another word. Sneaky Pete and Clark shake hands. Clark says it's good to see him and asks what he's doing there. Pete asks what Papa Luthor is doing there. He's not hiding a bracelet, if that's what you're wondering! (Innocent whistling.) Clark and Lana exchange glances. Pete guesses some things have changed. Clark says it's a long story. Would you like to read about 90 recaps, Pete?
Stately Luthor Manor. Lex is at his desk, opening an ornately decorated box. He finds the Alexander the Great figure with the "V" painted on his shield. Lex notices something in the reflection on his shiny desk. He turns. The stained-glass window behind him has a family crest with a similar "V" in it. Just then, Kara comes in, knocking softly at the ajar double doors. Lex makes a crack about the fresh farm air. Kara, wearing a white shirt, says she's tired of walking around trying to jog her memory. Lex asks if anything stood out. Kara says she doesn't feel connected to anything. She thanks Lex for researching her past, but says that everything in her profile folder about "Kara Kent" isn't her. Kara asks Lex how well he knows Clark. Would you like the X-rated version or PG-13? "Do you trust him?" she asks. Lex says, "I wish I could say 'yes.' " He goes to pour himself a drink as Kara says that she thinks Clark is hiding things from her. Lex opens up a blu botol and takes a swig. Kara thinks it's weird that she has no dental or medical records. "Who doesn't get sick?" she asks. Clark, for one. Lex says that Clark can be evasive. ...in bed? Kara asks why Clark would lie and what is so horrible about her past. Your father was... a community theatre actor . I know, I know! I'm so sorry. You will get through this, I promise. Lex promises to do everything in his power to help her get her memory back. He asks if Clark has mentioned anything about her missing bracelet. She says no. "I guess I should tell you," Lex says. He tells her that the symbol in her bracelet matches those around Smallville, including ones from the Kawatchee Caves Of Contrivance and one burned into the side of the Kent barn. Lex says that whatever Clark is hiding, it has to do with the symbols. He shows her a photo of the barn. Convincing! Lex urges her to find out about the bracelet.
Kent Farm. Clark is lifting a plank loaded with logs onto the back of his blue Ford truck. He's only touching the side of the logs, but somehow, the thing is floating along unnaturally. Wow. This is really bad, folks. Pete, standing with Lana, sticks a piece of glowing green gum in his mouth. Clark doesn't seem to mind the Kryptonite. Lana drives the truck off, saying that Ben will help her unload the posts. Is that a euphemism for sex? Because I'd like to unload some posts right now if you know what I mean. Actually, when I said it, I meant going to the bathroom. Which I will now do. Ahem. Clark and Pete watch Lana drive away.
We cut to the two of them shooting hoops. Pete is a little annoyed that Chloe, Lana, and Papa Luthor all know about Clark's secret. Pete shoots a basket and makes it. Clark says it all just kind of happened. There was no long-term plan or scripting involved, truly. Clark says that after the danger he put Pete into, he didn't want to tell anyone. Pete guesses that Clark couldn't stop trying to save the world and he got caught. Pete says, "Let's go!" So they weren't playing ball this whole time? Clark goes around Pete, spinning the ball around his back, but as he's about to go up, Pete stretches an arm (and a sleeve, which is lame) to grab the ball. Clark, who can slow down time, can't figure out what just happened. Pete says he wonders what Clark's dad would think about a Luthor in his kitchen. Yeah, Thanksgiving was a little weird . As Pete makes another shot and calls "2-1," Clark says that Papa Luthor has done a lot for his family since his dad died. Pete says Papa Luthor's done a lot for his family too. Papa took their factory and caused his parents to divorce. "Guy's a real saint," he says. He makes another shot. Clark says that he doesn't expect Pete to understand after being gone for over three years. He asks what Pete has been doing. Pete says he's been doing "the roadie gig," which pays the bills. Worst roadie ever. Nice job securing those speakers.
Clark says that Pete could have returned one of his calls. Pete asks if Clark thinks it's easy saying goodbye to your best friend. He says he couldn't risk someone getting close to Clark's secret. Pete says he left it all in the past. Clark says he didn't ask Pete to do that. Pete says he's been looking over his shoulder ever since. Pete says he had to leave his life behind because of Clark, but that it was better than living in Clark's shadow. Clark is bummed. "I didn't know," he says. "Luckily, everything's changed," Pete says. He drives to the hoop and stretches his whole body to slam dunk. Pete cheers for himself. He says he finally brought his game up to Clark's level. Clark asks what happened to him. Pete says it doesn't matter: he saved a girl's life the other night and got a taste of what it's like to be a hero. Clark says they have to reverse whatever happened. Pete doesn't like that. "I should have known you wouldn't be happy for me," he says. He starts walking off. Pete says he doesn't want to hide like Clark. Clark thinks it's just the Kryptonite talking. He says it warps your reality. Pete thinks Clark's ruining lives by keeping his powers a secret. Pete says he won't let anyone live with that burden. Pete says it's time to share the glory and that if Clark tries to stop him, his won't be the only secret revealed. You asshole! Pete walks away. Clark tries to show an expression. Fail!
Commercials. 21 . Vegas, baby!
Daily Planet , daytime. Chloe is at her desk, talking on the phone to someone about some server problems she's having. She complains that she can't get to her files. Jimmy approaches Chloe's desk. He asks if she got his mail. The one in which he describes how he was totally on a date with Kara last night. It's the best e-mail ever! Chloe says she's been in I.T. Hell (is that like I.P. Freely?) all morning. Chloe says that the network has her surfing in the slow lane. Chloe opens the one new e-mail she has. It may be the slow lane, but the photo from Jimmy's phone opens quickly. It's a perfectly composed shot of Pete reaching out his long-ass arms to pull Kara back. Chloe double-clicks to zoom in and recognizes Pete. Jimmy says that the dude's elastic limbs are going to slingshot the story to the front page. Chloe says it's Pete Ross, her best friend from high school. She says he was her friend even back before Clark. Jimmy surmises that she ditched Pete for Clark. Er, no. Chloe, distracted, says they were all best friends. Jimmy says Pete's going to be a superstar. He's the first person with meteor powers to be willing to get interviewed. Jimmy stumbles over the words "meteor freak" and corrects himself to say, "biologically enhanced individual."
Chloe can't believe Pete wants to be interviewed. Jimmy thinks this will be a PR boon to the infected. He says Pete is smart (not so much), funny (no) and has a great story (one with potential, maybe). Chloe says she appreciates Jimmy's effort to be meteor-socially-conscious, but she thinks the public is going to turn Pete into a circus freak. Jimmy says it's just an interview. Chloe stares at the weird photo again. Chloe offers to add a little "purple prose" to Jimmy's seemingly hand-written draft of a story. Jimmy tells Chloe to go ahead and sprinkle her "Hemingway dust" (shotgun suicide dust, maybe?) and that he's going to the Stride factory to interview some of Pete's comrades before they start their next gig. They're roadies for a show that never leaves town. Nice work if you can get it. Chloe makes a phone call. She tells Clark they have a problem and it appears to be growing. Chloe tries to do something on her computer and gets an "access denied" message. Then she sees a box that reads, "uploading in progress." It's nice when someone hacks into your computer to steal files, but makes sure to send you a giant, legible pop-up messages to tell you it's happening. So forthright, these hackers. The upload is now complete.
We cut to the same image of Pete, but now it's on someone else's laptop. The camera pivots to show us Lex Luthor staring at the screen, his brow furrowed. He's thinking, "I understand how Kryptonite could make your body stretch, but your clothes too? That's some powerful-ass gum." He's sitting in his new office at The Daily Planet . Lex knows it's Pete and wonders what's this guy doing back on the show? Maybe if he sticks around, I won't have to do Season Eight. Someone walks in. It's Chloe, who enters without knocking and does her Self-Righteous Walk Of Truthiness. Lex snarks that she must be taking advantage of his open-door policy. Chloe says the I.T. department told her that Lex is monitoring everything that happens on the newsroom computers. Chloe says that unauthorized surveillance is totally unethical. Luckily, if you own a company, surveillance and monitoring is implied. That's why employees shouldn't don't do stuff they don't want your bosses to see on their work computer. Lex says those are pretty big words for a cub reporter. "Shouldn't you be using those to write stories?" he asks. Chloe implies that she's doing to write a story about office espionage. Good luck getting that published. Chloe must not realize that she's an employee at a company and using their resources. Therefore, she has no personal rights to privacy on that equipment whatsoever. Lex says he thought Lois had first dibs on conspiracy theories. "You hacked into my computer and copied my files, Lex!" Chloe yells, "I have rights!" Er, no. No, you don't. Lex agrees with me. He says she doesn't have rights; she has responsibilities. Lex circles around the desk. He says he owns everything in the building. He raises his voice, saying that if Chloe doesn't like the way he's running things, she can go find out if The Inquisitor has nicer work policies. "You're excused," he tells her. Chloe, making a snideface, exits, slamming the door behind her. Well, that was a win-lose in Lex's favor, wasn't it?
Clark at the Stride gum factory. Chew on this. This is an actual exchange we get to hear: "What time is the concert tonight?" "Eight o'clock." "Thanks bro. Keep livin'." I sure hope these roadies are in a dangerous drug haze. Because otherwise, they're just dumb-asses. It turns out the one who said "Keep livin'" and gave some bro-not-foe fist-dap to the roadie was Jimmy Olsen. Clark approaches him. Jimmy asks if Clark heard about Pete's Silly Putty save from the night before. Clark tries to make Jimmy think he didn't see what he saw. Jimmy asks if Clark has a problem with having a meteor freak for a friend. Clark says he doesn't want something happen to Pete. Jimmy says Pete should get the credit and should be considered a hero to the rest of the world. Clark says he's not sure the world will see things that way. Jimmy thinks the world needs a hero now more than ever. We need change! And hope! And snarky political ads about answering the phone at 3 a.m.! Jimmy, serious to a silly degree, says that maybe meteor freaks can walk among us without being afraid. Maybe if you stop calling them "meteor freaks," they will. "Wouldn't you want that if one was your friend?" Jimmy asks. Clark takes a deep breath, which he always does when he's been confounded by tight science. Jimmy walks away, leaving Clark to listen to the clanking of his brain machinery. Clank, clank! Clark starts to follow, but suddenly winces. He's standing next to a bunch of pallets of gum. He pushes one aside, and there's a green glow. There's a giant room-sized crack in the floor with green light spilling out. No one at Stride noticed this structural defect in the building? Man, this gum SUCKS! Clark backs away. Danger! Chewable danger!
Chloe's desk. We can tell because there's a big, obnoxious "Chloe Sullivan" nameplate there. Pete, who got through security somehow, strides in (get it?) saying, "I always knew The Torch would light the way to the big leagues." Chloe hugs him. She says it's so good to see him. Pete hugs her really tight, his eyes closed. Easy there, tiger. Chloe says she went from being a big fish in a small pond to a minnow in The Atlantic. Pete says he's read all her stories and that some things never change. Chloe tells him that she's mopping up Lex's daily carnage. Chloe says Lex is playing Big Brother with all the computers. He's putting a bunch of roommates together and making Julie Chen host ? Pete asks if Chloe can't just work some of her "Virtual voodoo" to get her files back. Chloe says that short of a massive virus, all the files will forever be in possession of "Citizen Lex."
Pete, chewing his gum, says that maybe he can give Lex something else to focus on. He stretches an arm and grabs a rose for Chloe from across the room. Snakey! "Cool, huh?" he says. Chloe puts down the rose and pulls Pete aside. She tells him that he shouldn't let anyone see him do that. Pete thinks Chloe is running scared because of Clark's secret. She says it's not about him. Pete says he remembers what it was like to cover for Clark. Especially the lying. "To you," he adds, clearly hurt. Chloe says sometimes you don't have another choice. Pete says he's glad not to follow in Clark's footsteps. "Put it on the front page," he tells her. Chloe jokes that Pete could literally reach for the stars right now, but she asks about all the meteor-infected people who might want to keep their privacy. Pete thinks it's fine if they want to keep living a lie. Chloe gives him a hurt look. Pete notices Lex walking by. He says it's time for people to realize that a real hero doesn't hide in the shadows. Unless he's SPF Man, who gets burned by direct sunlight. Pete excuses himself to follow Lex. Chloe gulps.
Commercials. Wanna help create a gum-related comic? Go to cwtv.com/stride to win a year's supply of Stride and a trip to Comic-Con. Dental appointment not included.
Kent Farm. Kara is up in the barn loft, opening one of Clark's giant chests. She sees his letterman jacket and a bunch of Smallville Crows crap. She stares at the jacket for way too long because Lana misses her cue. "Are you looking for something?" sneaky Lana asks. She's so slight that she makes no sound going up the rickety wooden stairs. Kara, sounding guilty times ten, says, "Uh, Lana...I was just...cleaning up! The...um, stuff! That has accumulated! In this box! Over the years. Got any mothballs?" Lana says she doesn't think Clark would appreciate her going through his stuff. Kara hands Lana a photo of one of the symbols and asks Lana what she knows about them. Lana lies that she knows about as much as anyone else in town. Kara asks why a symbol was on the back of her bracelet. Lana, smiling as she lies, says that maybe Kara bought it on a trip here or the Kents sent it to her as a present. Bullshit! Stop your lies, harpy! Kara gives her the old Larry David stare-down (minus the music). Kara says it's amazing how Lana and Clark can both lie on autopilot. Welcome to Smallville !
Kara busts out with more photos of the symbols on the barn. Then she shows off a photo of the symbol that was tattooed on Lana's back. Kara notes it's a tattoo that Lana doesn't have anymore. How does Kara remember that Lana had a tattoo in the first place? Lana asks where she got the photos. Lex, of course. Lana, full of her own wisdom, tells Kara that Lex has a way of being the hero just when you need to be saved. Well, that's just terrible. Arrest that man. Lana says she knows how enticing that can be. Not like being with a boring farm guy. Lana says one day Lex will turn the tables and it'll all be a lie. It's always good to lecture someone about liars when you've just been caught in a lie. Your credibility is really top-notch here, Lana. Kara says that if Lana wants to prove that Lex is lying, she'll tell the truth herself. Kara begs for Lana to level with her. Lana says nothing. Kara narrows her eyes, gulps and walks away. Before she goes, she tells Lana that no matter how much dirt they shovel over her past, she'll uncover the truth. Close-up on Lana. Just because we can.
Daily Planet . Jimmy, holding a rolled up set of papers with his awesome story, enters one of the colorful senior editor offices. He notices that the door to Lex's office is open a crack. He sees Pete sitting at the desk, typing away. A helpful dialogue box on the screen Pete is using says, "Virus uploading in thirty seconds." It's just one of the great Windows Vista features we're all not clamoring for. Not at all stealthily, Jimmy sneaks into the room and hides behind a divider. The divider has holes in it, but Pete's not noticing. A progress bar made of little scorpion icons reaches the end. "Virus successfully uploaded," a message on the screen says. Pete admires his handiwork. Lex is suddenly at the door. Pete closes the laptop. "Please. Don't allow me to disturb you," Lex says. Lex says Pete is quite the hero these days, rescuing Kara and trying to erase Chloe's online extracurricular activities. "I guess things never change," Lex says. Not on this show, no. "You're living proof of that," Pete fires back. Lex says they might have some stuff in common. He says they both have a friend who let them down and that they both loved women still infatuated with Clark Kent. Pete faces off with Lex and tells him he's even more messed up than before. Lex says he thought he was being civil in his response to breaking and entering. Lex says one fact remains: he controls Chloe's fate. He thinks Pete should put his amazing ability to work for him. Lex shows Pete a photo of Kara's bracelet. He believes it's locked inside Papa Luthor's vault. When did Lex get all these glossy photos done? Did he just buy a new printer and he's all excited about the dots-per-inch? Pete thinks Chloe wouldn't want her job used as a bargaining chip. "I'm not talking about her job, Pete," Lex tells him, "I'm talking about the secret she's been keeping." He asks if Pete wants to be the reason the world knows that Chloe is a meteor freak. Jimmy wasn't expecting that one. Neither was Pete.
In another part of the building, Clark and Chloe are walking down some stairs. "Stride gum factory?" she asks. Oh yes, we forgot to tell you about that! It's where they make the gum! And the scripts! Clark says it's an underground venue for bands that was shut down a few months before. That's why Stride left all those boxes of gum around? Wow, they're the stupidest business people ever. No wonder we all chew Bubblicious. Chloe, summing up their business acumen, says that maybe next time they won't let the flavor last quite so long. Clark says he found the source of Pete's powers: Kryptonite-enhanced gum. "Is nothing sacred anymore?" Chloe asks. Clark says he destroyed the stockpile (how'd you do that? Super chewing?), but that they have to find Pete. Chloe figures Clark must have seen the new Pete "The Boss" Ross in action. Chloe calls him "Go-Go Gadget Arms" and is about to say something else when they notice that everyone in the basement is having computer problems. Chloe goes to her desk. She sees a screen full of cartoon scorpions. It's the virus. We see people pretending to be frustrated and calling tech support. Chloe thinks Pete went vigilante to protect her. Jimmy shows up and calls a major scoop. He says Pete is going to Papa Luthor's to steal something for Lex. Drama!
Commercials. Friday Night Smackdown ! Smack it while you still can.
Pete at LuthorCorp. He's disguised himself cleverly by dressing just like Pete Ross, circa the last two days. Even though his ability only allows him to stretch, he's somehow infiltrated security. Pete puts another piece of Kryptonite Stride into his mouth as he walks the blue-hued hallways. He approaches the doors to Papa Luthor's office. The doors slide open without any provocation. Pete glances over his shoulder, then commences to skulking. He finds a closed door. Pete stares at his hand happily, then uses it to wedge his fingers into the doorway and unlock the door from the other side of the vault. Would a vault really be so easy to open with just a hinge on the inside? Pete looks around the vault. He finds a small box full of Kryptonite. There's lots of books and jewelry and other odds and ends (I sure hope there's a Tony Award in there) on the shelf. Pete gets lucky: the next box he opens contains the Kryptonite bracelet.
Pete turns around, and Clark is standing right there. Psst...Pete! Your friend is super! I would expect him to turn up at any moment! Pete puts the bracelet in his pocket. Pete says Clark's world isn't big enough for two heroes. Clark says this isn't the way to be a hero. He thinks the Kryptonite is affecting Pete's judgment. Clark offers to take care of Lex. Pete says it's only been a day and he's already being squeezed for information about Clark. Pete pulls out the bracelet. "Look familiar?" he asks. Pete says all this bullshit always comes back to Clark. Pete tosses the bracelet to Clark. He says he bets Clark didn't know his new best friend, Papa Luthor, had the bracelet. Doubting himself, Clark says there must be a reason. "His last name, Clark," Pete tells him. He says Papa and Lex are the same person and they aren't going to stop until they get to the truth about Clark. Pete looks to his right and makes a bad decision. He pulls the Kryptonite box out of the vault and opens it toward Clark. He says he doesn't have a choice. Clark, of course, falls down. Pete says that if he gives the bracelet over to Lex, it's going to get Lex one step closer to Clark's secret. So you came here...why? Pete says the only way to stop all of this is to take Lex out of the equation. Pete says it's time to save Clark and everybody else from Lex once and for all. To save Clark, he puts life-threatening Kryptonite right on Clark's chest. Hey, thanks, friend! Can I get you something for that? Pete leaves Clark there, writhing on the ground. Mother... fucking...asshole!
Stride gum factory. One Republic is playing another song. No one cares. Nice vest, Colin Quinn. Pete is on a mission. He goes back to his secret gum stash, where Lex is waiting. Lex says he's late. "You're right. I should have done this three years ago," Pete says. He reaches across the room like a Looney Tunes character and grabs Lex by the neck, pulling him back. Lex is like, "Urk!" Pete puts his choke on Lex, two-handed style. Nostrils flaring, Pete cries, "How many more people are you going hurt?!" I don't know, how many episodes are left in Season Seven? Lex struggles with the choking. Someone clocks Pete in the head, and the animated and not-very-convincing piece of gum flies out of his mouth. It's a Lex henchman. A Lexman, if you will. Lex stomps on Pete's arm. "Owwww!" Pete yells. Lex asks for the bracelet. Pete tries to stretch his arm at Lex, but it no longer works without the gum. The henchman grabs Pete's arm and kicks him in the back. Pete says he never found the bracelet and doesn't have it. "Where is it?!" Lex demands. "I don't have it," Pete tells him. Lex is annoyed. Pete, mouth bloodied, says, "Bring it on," because it won't change that he doesn't have the bracelet. Lex offers to help jog that memory. The henchman twists Pete's arm painfully.
The band continues to play, unaware of the insult they're adding to Pete's injury. The crowd claps along. Yay, Pete!
Papa Luthor's office. He finds Clark lying on the floor. He puts the Kryptonite away and asks what happened. Clark, better, says, "You and I need to talk." But first, he says, he has to stop Pete from making a huge mistake. Huger than killing Lex Luthor? Because that sounds like a mistake somebody should have made a long time ago. Clark whooshes out of the room. Papa Luthor opens the box on the floor. He must realize the bracelet is missing.
The band is still playing the same song as Pete's hands are tied behind his back. Lex says he needs that bracelet. He asks for the last time. Pete lies that he doesn't have it and never did. Lex nods to the henchman. The guy pulls up Pete's arms behind him. Ouchie! Pete screams. The scream artfully cuts to the lead singer wailing at the same time. It's just as painful.
We cut back to the factory room where a red and blue blur knocks the henchman into the air. Lex looks around. The blur suddenly knocks Lex into the air, too, sending into a somersault that knocks him out before he's even hit the ground, face-first. Clark unties Pete. The crowd goes wild. Clark asks if he's all right. "Yeah," Pete says. Pete haltingly says that the best thing about knowing Clark's secret is being able to say, "Thank you." Clark just stares at him. Did you forget you just put Kryptonite on my chest? You fucking asshole? Don't even pull that "best friends" shit on me. Go chew some poisoned Stride-brand gum.
Commercials. The Macbook Air. Overpriced, underpowered, but pretty as Hell. Your supermodel awaits.
Kent Farm. The cows have returned from their strike. They got an extra four cents for each cow scene once the episodes appear on DVD. And those pennies are paid in grass, so they're pretty happy. Clark and Pete come inside the kitchen. Pete's arm is in a sling. He says one-on-one was a lot more fun when he had powers. Probably when you had two arms, also. Clark, smiling, says that even without powers, Pete was always at a disadvantage. Maybe because you're a foot taller, Clark? Pete apologizes for the stuff he said the day before. He says Clark's not the reason his life has ended up the way it has. Clark says that the Kryptonite may have made him "A little amped," but that Pete wasn't wrong. Clark says he wonders every day what it would be like not to have to live a lie. Pete says he understands now how hard it is to be Clark. Pete says he was always a little jealous of Clark's life and that it was easier to blame him. "I'm sorry," he says. Pete smiles. He says it's time to make a change. Pete thinks there's a hero inside of him, but he has to find another way to save the world.
Daily Planet . Pete shows up. Chloe asks if he's the Barry Bonds Pete or the Hank Aaron Pete. Wow. That was actually very topical, show. Bravo. Pete says it's "100 percent Pete Ross." He apologizes. Chloe thanks Pete for risking his life to save her secret. Chloe says it's her definition of "hero." This show is using the word "hero" more than Heroes . Pete says Lex told him that Chloe has a power. Pete says she doesn't have to tell him what it is. Maybe she could heal that arm. Nah. Too much hassle. Pete pulls a rose from his pocket and says it's for destroying her computer. Thanks, Product Placement Pete! That's a pretty even trade. Sure you don't want to yell, "Yeah, FTD!" for old times' sake? Chloe makes him promise not to let another light year pass before he visits again. They hug for a long time. Jimmy shows up. Dark music plays. Jealous Jimmy! Pete says he hopes there's no hard feelings, but he's decided to live anonymously and not reveal his powers in print. Jimmy, who has flat hair this week, says he understands. Pete pops a piece of gum in his mouth as he's about to leave. "Pete!" Chloe says. Pete pulls out his minty box of Stride gum and says, "Relax. It's Kryponite free." Well, that's no fucking fun. Enjoy your 10 seconds of flavor. Pete tosses Chloe the pack of gum as they say goodbye. Jimmy asks if Chloe and Pete will be hanging out together. He says it seems like "Gumby found his Pokey." Do... what ? Jeez, Jimmy. Shut up. Chloe says they're just friends. Not that it's any of Jimmy's business. Chloe asks how date night with Kara went. Jimmy says she's great but that the spark has fizzled. Maybe because she lost her memory? Chloe says she's sorry. "No, you're not," Jimmy says. Jimmy realizes what he said and backtracks, saying he hopes Chloe's not sorry. He sighs. Jimmy says he's not sorry. He asks if there's any interest in seeing if they can breathe some fire into their ember over coffee. Chloe smiles. She offers to bring the butane. Oh, don't hurt Hank Hill like that. Propane all the way, Chloe.
One Republic's ubiquitous hit plays. I know it's a hit, because I don't even listen to FM radio anymore and I've heard "Apologize." Kent Farm. In slow motion, Clark walks across the ground floor of the barn as the camera pans across. Clark goes to his very obvious hiding place in the floor and opens up the trap door. He takes Kara's bracelet and puts it in a decorative lead box. He places the box in the floor and closes the door. And stay down there!
Stately Luthor Manor. Lex stands facing the stained-glass window behind his desk. He stares. Lex's lady assistant comes in. The music volume is lowered as she tells Lex that she checked in with the Metropolis Observatory. They say that the last time the constellation in the Luthor family crest appeared in that formation, it was October 7, 1989. Lex says it was the day of the first meteor shower. She says there's something else. She pulls a photo of a constellation away to reveal sets of numbers circled in red ink, but we don't stay on it long enough to see what it is. Just then, Kara, wearing a comfy and tight white winter top, knocks on the door. The assistant takes her cue and leaves. Kara says, "Sorey." Lex says that Kara is always welcome here. She says she was hoping Lex would say that. Kara says she doesn't trust Clark and Lana anymore and doesn't want to live with them anymore. She asks Lex if she can stay here. "With you," she says. Is that a come-on? I think it's a come-on. Lex smirks. Hell yes, you can stay here. Lex closes the double doors slowly. If she doesn't know about her powers, could she cut his penis off by accident if they have sex? Something to think about until next week. We go to black.
Next week: some evil stuff goes down, or so the trailer would suggest. It's Clark in a box! Which I guess counts as a dick in a box.